SAVANNA

Status: The Supreme Being

Subject Profile

Classification: Nubian Royalty / Melanin Commander

Savanna is not merely "a person." She is a high-concentration event of culture, flavor, and excellence. While Zach is made of unseasoned flour and anxiety, Savanna is composed of cocoa butter, resilience, and edge control.

Scientific Note: Sensors indicate she has a natural SPF of 1000 and a "side-eye" capable of disintegrating bad vibes at a molecular level.

Visual Analysis

Skin: Radiant. Deep. Expensive.
Hair: A shapeshifting geometric miracle. One day it is long, the next day it is short. Zach is confused and frightened by this magic.
Aura: Gold.

Comparative Data

Melanin Level MAXIMUM
Zach's Melanin -50 (Translucent)
Seasoning Usage Expert
Lotion Budget Critical Priority

The Contrast: Placing Savanna next to Zach creates a visual paradox. It is like placing a diamond next to a piece of styrofoam.

Cultural Translation Protocols

The subject (Savanna) frequently has to explain basic concepts to Zach. Logs show she has attempted to teach him the following:

That washing your legs is mandatory.
The difference between "finna" and "gonna."
That the silk bonnet is not a "funny hat," it is a structural engineering device.

Current Status: Zach is trying his best, but he is still extremely beige. Savanna deserves financial compensation for this labor.